It’s exhausting really!  And this morning, while waiting on my class to show up for Stroller Strides, I get a text from my mentor.  It stops me dead in my tracks.  She hit the nail on the head, and I knew I had to rush home and share.

So here’s the picture below that comes through on my phone.  The text from her that follows goes something like this:  “Look at the cover of ‘Thriving Family’, and tell me why it’s hard in our culture to live real life.  This is what ‘Focus on the Family’ is marketing.  Perfectly dressed parents and kids, tree in burlap w/ a gratuitous, perfect bow.  Everyone is happy, there’s not even a leaf or a smudge on the pavement!

Men have struggles with magazine images of a different sort.  But, this Photoshop/Facebook generation brings a struggle for us women too.  Perfection that is wired into a woman’s heart, yet impossible to attain.  Life is messy…  Learning to be at peace and rejoice in the promised perfection of our eternal home is key.  Look at the ‘fruit of the tree’ you can’t have or attain…  What will you compromise, convince or nag your husband into, just as Eve did with Adam?  This is the lie- there’s more and we can’t have it unless we make it happen!”

Does that put a knot in your throat and give you chills or what?  I’m guilty of it, and I had no idea.  Maybe that’s part of why the holidays were so difficult this year.  Harper’s 3 and Ellington’s 1; it’s Ellington’s first birthday on Christmas day to boot!  I have to have the perfect house, perfect traditions that must start from the very beginning of their life…  And, the pictures to document and brag, people!  Whew!

Maybe I should have taken a clue when I was bawling, late at night as everyone was asleep, because my Christmas tree (which I had perfectly planned in my head) was in reality a hot mess.  No perfect tree and house, how can my family really rise up and call me blessed?!

It’s hard to feel like I have any control over anything anymore.  So I compensate for that by nagging my husband and trying to keep my house spotless.  A little control over those areas, and voila!  I should feel better, but no…  You know as well as I do how that’s working out for me.  What husband appreciates and responds well to a nag?  What house stays spotless with a one and three year old?  Yeah, mine neither!

In the valley, the Lord is really working on me.  “Find your joy in Me!  I’m all you need!  Let Me define you!”  If I never look like that magazine cover, will I be content?  And, not to diss “Focus on the Family”, by the way.  Look at “Real Simple”, “Pathways”, any blog, most Facebook pages.  Everyone is pushing that perfect image out there.  It’s nothing new under the sun!  But, it sure helped this morning to have a little of this disappointment in my heart brought to light.  My hope is that this will bless and convict you, as it did me this morning!  Now off to do some real heart work, forget the house stuff for a minute…  One is eternal, have to keep that in mind!

Last week, while having dinner with some classy friends and a fellow chiropractor, I did not loose half of my sandal.  I was not sitting at the table, feeling a bump under my foot which I thought was something wrong with my friend’s floor.  When I finally looked down, I did not see half of my sandal gone and start laughing hysterically.  As I showed JB, he did not glance behind me into the kitchen and say, “Oh my gosh, there is half of your shoe lying on her kitchen floor!”  I mean how embarassing if I would have had to throw my shoes away at their house and walk out barefoot, but I didn’t, not me!

Harper and I walked out to the mailbox last week, and we were met with a great surprise (for mommy).  When I ripped open the letter from the Registry of Midwives to find out I had passed my licensing exam, I did not wait to get back in the house to start jumping up and down and dancing in the street.  My neighbors did not think anything of this crazy behavior, if any of them were watching.  And, I certainly did not carry on so much that Harper started crying…  Nope, not me, mommy’s crazy behavior did not make Harper cry at all!

When JB called the other night to tell me he would be home shortly, I did not hang up the phone with with him only to have Harper walk up between my legs and bite the middle of my thigh, for no reason.  I did not call JB back and yell into the phone, “Come home now!”  And, I definitely do not still have a big purple bruise in the shape of Harper’s teeth on my leg…  Nope, not me!

What about you, care to share what you did not do?!  Head on over to MckMama’s Blog and join the fun!  Happy Monday!

Well, the babies have not stopped coming, and for that I am very blessed!  Exhausted?  Yes, extremely!  But, blessed?  Yes, even more than exhausted!  Please bear with me, as I go through this season and my blog seems seldom updated at times.  I love blogging, but often times, sleep just wins out!  My poor readers, I am so sorry. 

I am reading a wonderful book right now; in fact, it is our new book for Mom’s Bible Study.  Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow has given me a lot to think about.  Dillow talks in the book about the light in which we see and paint our circumstances.  And, before I turn into bed for the night, I felt like I needed to share some of the thoughts in my head on my blog.  I know I have shared before about being thankful.  This subject was brought to mind again tonight.

It would be very easy to complain or feel frustrated about some circumstances in my life right now.  However, I keep going back to something that was spoken over me while I was pregnant with Harper.  It is so sweet to me how even though I serve a big (infinitely so) God, He still cares about the little details in my life.  He knew that I would need this word of encouragement as I raised Harper; and, He picked someone to say it to me at just the perfect time.  What they told me is: “Don’t despise the season.”  What did they mean by this?  Well, the explanation came from the book of Esther, chapter 4, to be specific.  It was so neat- as the Lord often does- because I had been reading through Esther at the time that I was given this word.  However, the person saying it to me did not know that I had been studying Esther.  Basically, they were trying to tell me that even though we go through situations we may not appreciate at the time, there is a greater reason for them.  And, instead of complaining, we need to look for that reason.  Don’t despise, but rather appreciate the season.  I could ramble on go so much more in depth with this explanation and all this word has meant to me, but I will suffice it to say just this little bit.  After all, it has been a busy week, and I am tired! 

It boils down to this though:  We have a choice!  We can despise our season, or we can appreciate it.  How many circumstances has God allowed me to walk through that He has used in my life later that I never could have foreseen Him using?!  I could make so many posts out of that one!  Or, how many times have I been caught complaining about a season, only to really miss that season when it is gone?  Or worse yet, how many times do I complain about my circumstances, failing to stop and look at the big picture that it could be so much worse?  My dad’s trip to Haiti sure did put that into perspective, as did many of my friends and acquaintances who have lost babies lately. 

How does this look on a practical, daily life level?  Well, the whole reason I am posting this is that as I was putting Harper to bed tonight, it didn’t go as easily as I would have hoped or was imagining.  It had been a long day- I had another birth, and haven’t gotten much done or much sleep.  JB normally puts Harper to bed, but wasn’t available tonight.  And of course, as often goes when there is so much to be done and I really need him to sleep, Harper took forever to be put to bed.  As I laid next to him, with my eyes shut wishing he would catch on and do the same, he climbed on me, practiced all of his vocabulary, and poked me in the eyeballs.  I could feel the clock ticking away, and I kept having to remind myself that even though my eyes were shut I needed to stay awake and get things done once he fell asleep.  His vocabulary recitation grew louder and louder, and sleep seemed more and more evasive, I could feel the frustration starting to rise up inside me.  All of sudden, I heard the words, “Don’t despise the season!” in my head, and my perspective changed in an instant.  I had been away from my precious baby and missing him all day.  Although outside my bedroom walls the world waited on me, I decided in that instant that the world could do just that- wait!  It can be very frustrating sometimes that my little boy doesn’t love sleep, and I don’t have the freedom I once enjoyed.  But, much more than that, it is so rewarding to be blessed with a little boy that loves to climb on his mama.  I get to come home and smell his hair, cuddle him and listen to him babble on and on.  One day, I know I’ll go in and peak in on him sleeping in his own bed, the co-sleeping days will be long gone, he’ll be the teenager who then loves to nap, and I will miss these ‘hard’ days and wish I had cherished the season more. 

Therefore, I choose to be content in my circumstances because I am so blessed!  Hopefully this will encourage you, as it has me.  What things in your life do you need to appreciate and view in a fresh perspective?  It is a short season, don’t despise it.

A crowd of people waiting to see what is brought out from the cleanup. Please pray for these people and their overwhelming losses!

Dad’s Facebook status last night read, “Saw too much today – really overwhelmed by it all. Good night. I am, well…”  This made my heart really heavy for him.  On one of the pictures of the rubble he had posted, his comment said that they were starting to do some burning to cover up the smell of all the dead bodies.  It is very easy to write a blog post, say a quick prayer, call dad throughout the day, and forget quickly what he is going through as I pick up and go about my daily business.  But, then, I see the pictures and read the comments.  That changes my heart and my prayers.  It breaks me for the Haitian people, and breaks me for workers, like my dad.  The picture at the top of this post is just one of the many, many heartbreaking ones he has posted.   

They moved to work on the Presidential Palace and the police station.  Many groups are camping out on the roofs of buildings.  Before moving, he reported to my mom that they had been bitten by bed bugs and that the hotel was quite infested.  Lovely!  So, for those of you who read my prior posts and thought my mention of a “hotel” meant dad was vacationing in Haiti…  Ha!  Not quite the hotel most of us would envision staying in. 

Every time I talk to him, he is extremely busy.  You can hear noise in the background, and he says the whole city is buzzing, as everyone works really hard.  They have had trouble on and off with the chlorinators on their water systems.  Please keep this specific situation lifted up in prayer.  Also, they are working so hard and quickly running out of supplies.  He said the world is there- there are Chinese and Germans, along with others and the Americans, of course.

Again, you can follow dad’s updates on Twitter @52bharper or on Facebook- Bob Harper.  Here are the latest pictures:

Dad- the facial hair is growing

Clean water for the police station- 400 gallon tank

Notice it says "Self Heating" and "3 yr. shelf life"?! Looks like someone will need a detox when they get home...

Dad was able to translate for her, and got her into the doctor faster.

Federal Building. They pull bodies out and bag them, and search for tax papers. Taxes won't be collected. Citizens may be happy about this, but this means no means of income for island.

Here is an example of the handy work of dad's team.

Youth With a Mission tents- they are camping out in front of the Presidential Palace

Dad in front of the drip water bucket filtration systems. Texas Baptist Men sent them, 10,000 have arrived!

On a side note, for those of you who miss the “health” aspect of this blog.  Know what we sent dad with to make sure he stays healthy while in Haiti?  Colloidal Silver!  He is using it as his hand sanitizer, and spraying it in his mouth, ears, nose and eyes several times a day.  He also takes it orally.  Colloidal silver is great when you go on trips and when you come down with something at home.  So there is your tip for the day .

It’s sad to me that when you are on a trip like Haiti, you look for the miracles in everything.  Do you realize how many miracles happen on a daily basis that we loose sight of or simply ignore?  I’ll share the latest pictures, but NBC provided my dad’s team with cases of water today.  A total miracle, and yes, they noticed it as such.  Also, the navy came in.  Say what you want about our country, but God bless America!  Seriously.  They brought in enough meals to feed 20,000 people for 3-4 days.  And, they gave them to dad’s team to distribute.  Can you imagine the joy of handing out food to hungry families who haven’t eaten in days?  I bet the Bible story of the disciples feeding the crowd fish now has an entirely new meaning to dad.  Dad also said they got the water filters up and running.  You should have heard his voice (I could hear him even though he was talking to my mom- yelling with excitement, rather).  “There is nothing better than the site of clean water!”  He said the people were so happy about the water, that they were jumping up and down with excitement.

Something that makes me laugh, dad keeps showing all of the Haitians Harper’s picture.  I guess the proud grandfather in him doesn’t change no matter where he goes.  He says they keep saying, “Il est tres beau!”  Which translates:  He is so handsome!  Isn’t that precious?  By the way, how amazing is God that my family went to language school 21 years ago to learn French?  Who would have ever guessed how handy dad’s French would be for such a time as this.  God is so good!

Here are the latest pictures.  Please keep all the comments coming, dad (and my whole family) is reading them and is so encouraged!

Water filtration system up and running- 6,000 gallons cleaned a day.

The water NBC donated to dad's team- 2 cases!

Does this break your heart, or what? One of the many, many orphans.

They gave the guards their Texas Baptist Men's chaplain vest. They wear them proudly!

Navy and Marines releasing food at port to dad's group. What a blessing!

3 truckloads of food from the Navy

Haiti boy proudly wearing his vest. The little things become the biggest blessings, look at his smile!

So often we watch the news or read the stories, and we don’t react.  We are numb.  I think it is good to put ourselves in these people’s shoes.  By the grace of God, I am not walking through this!  If I was, though, I would hope there would be a Bob Harper to minister to me!  I would hope people would pray for me, as if I was their family member.  I have a new perspective after reading “Crazy Love“.  I highly recommend this book, especially in light of all that has gone on in our world these past few weeks.

Dad left DFW Wednesday morning, and after a long day of traveling, he arrived in Florida.  He and his team were there for two nights, as they waited for all the paperwork and clearance to be on their way to help in Haiti.  A private owner of a jet allowed them to use his plane to get to Haiti.  People’s generosity amazes me!  Here is the article that made the Dallas Morning News today of them boarding the plane.  The news is down in Haiti following them too, so I am watching closely for other stories.  Also, CNN is there.  Here is a picture (he has a better one of him with her that he hasn’t uploaded) my dad took of Christiane Amanpour, a CNN reporter, who asked to board their plane as they were getting off so she could leave Haiti:

This morning, he said he woke up at 4:30AM to a group of Haitians singing praise and worship songs acapella outside of his tent.  How convicting is it that people are that devoted to the Lord that they would wake up to praise him amidst all that they have experienced.  He was extremely blessed by their faith and convicted by their dedication!  The heat was almost unbearable, and he had a headache all day.  They are working on water filtration for a children’s hospital and an orphanage.  Here are some other pictures he shared:

This is the station where they charge their phones.

This is one of their filtration system, it will provide 6,000 gallons a day of clean water.

My dad and his team (dad on far left)

 They drove through the capital tonight to survey all the damage.  They are staying in a hotel, tonight, instead of their tents.  Although the view out of their hotel window is definitely not what you would see on a typical vacation, as you can imagine.  He said that the presidential palace looks like something you would see in a “Ripley’s Believe It Or Not”; in fact, he said all the buildings either lean and look like this or they are simply rubble.  He told me there are 6 story building lying everywhere in shambles, saying, “there must still be thousands of people buried under all this rubble, Cindy.”  He met a filmmaker who lives in Canada but is originally from Haiti.  He told my dad that he had dreaded coming back to his country, but the Lord had really laid it on his heart.  He was so glad he had obeyed because he was able to pull 5 of his family members’ bodies out of buildings.  

Homeless Haitians camping out around the pool outside dad's hotel.

He also said he had to step over human feces in the street tonight as they walked to dinner.  A football field is nearby where they are staying, camped out on it are at least 15,000 homeless.  He said they are starting to sell off what little possessions they have left.  They are constantly experiencing aftershocks and electricity loss.  Generators run around the clock. 

Beam at dad's hotel, most of Haiti's buildings- if still standing- look this way.

Girls at an orphanage in Carrefour, Haiti

He said he spoke to a Haitian man who told him that he knew the Lord was allowing them to go through this tragedy because they are strong, hard working people.  “Tomorrow is another day”, the man told my dad, “and we will keep rebuilding.  We are going to get through this, so we can be of help if another nation has to go through something and needs us.”  Isn’t that amazing?  People’s faith and determination!  

Dad said the faith based organizations are working so hard, there are so many of them helping, and they are accomplishing a lot.  Unfortunately, he reported something that angered him and broke his heart.  This morning he said the UN personnel pulled up in their air-conditioned vans.  He said they pretty much sit in their airconditioned cars all day, not doing much to help.  One of the ladies was yelling back to her colleagues in the car, asking them what cold drink they would like to order.  My dad walked up to her and told her that she should strongly consider giving their drinks to the Haitian guards who are guarding their compound.  He explained to her that they are working so hard to protect the personnel helping, and that they do not have food or drink.  How sad to see this dichotomy! 

Survivor!

Normally, when they are not in the middle of the capital- like they are tonight- they are staying in a compound with other medical personnel.  They will be working on assembly water filters so that the people can have clean water.  They brought MREs with them to eat, and are camping in tents.  I asked if he had plenty to eat today, he told me yes but that he had not had enough water.  It breaks my heart as I type this:  He said as he experienced the effects from not drinking enough, all he could think of were all the thousands of Haitians who have little to no water, and what they do have is not clean.  Hopefully daddy can change that for them this week!  I apologize for the long post, but I am just so amazed and proud of him!  I love my dad, and miss him very much.  He covets your prayers.  This is definitely an experience of a lifetime!  I asked him to journal daily so that he could blog when he returns.  You can friend him on Facebook- Bob Harper- or follow him on Twitter @52bharper.  His journey will bless your heart!

Sunday night, I made my Whole Foods run for the week.  I am pretty bad about making out menus for the week, but doing this is vital to surviving the cleanse.  I was feeling rather proud of myself, I had a menu, a grocery list and had times planned out to prep and cook.  My alarm was set for a decent hour Monday morning.  I had it all planned out- plenty of time to cook before heading into the office…  Well, as often happens, babies have other plans.  In my line of work, you have to learn to roll with this.  It’s good at keeping me from being too uptight!  So, after the unexpected phone call, I rushed to drop Harper off at my mom’s, and as I am attempting to speed across town to see this baby’s grand entrance, the little red Jeep in front of me is determined to go 5 miles an hour on a two lane, no pass road.  Urgh!  I finally arrive, park, and run into the house to hear the midwife say, “You can push as soon as Cindy gets here.”  They waited on me!  Thank-you, Jesus!  A precious baby boy was born 5 minutes after I walked into the house.  That was enough excitement for one day; so, I gave myself the freedom to postpone cleansing until Tuesday.  There is my long explanation as to why today marks day 2 for me instead of day 3.  I know, you want to know what all I have been doing cooking and eating. 

We start out with our shakes; which, I am learning to make taste better and better.  Harper loves them so much he comes and dances and screams when he hears the blender going.  And, yesterday we had a precious routine that I could have enjoyed all day:  Yell for my shake, give Harper a sip, Harper smiles and hugs me with his head rested on my shoulder as he pats my back, yells for my shake, and so on and so forth.  Priceless!  And, what better way to get your kids to take their supplements than to add them to a nutritious shake?  Even the pickiest of children would enjoy it.  Yesterday’s shake was just so/so, but today’s was divine! 

Shake Recipe:  1 cup of coconut milk, 2 scoops of SP Complete, 1 tbsp of SP Whole Food Fiber, 1/4 organic banana, handful of organic fresh spinach, 1/4cup frozen organic mangos and 1/4 cup frozen organic cherries with a dash of cinnamon and nutritional yeast

For snacks, I have had celery and carrots dipped in hummus, clementines and apples.  Because I am nursing and need extra protein and do not have digestive issues (if you did you would want to avoid these), I have done some almonds and eggs too.  For lunch yesterday, we went to Jason’s Deli and enjoyed the salad bar.  For dinner, we had baked organic sweet potatoes with organic butter, sea salt and organic cinnamon with a salad.  Harper ate an entire huge sweet potatoe by himself.  Then, for lunch today, we had a big, fresh salad (organic lettuce, organic celery, organic tomatoes, organic carrots and organic avocado) and sweet potato fries.  Also, we had some leftover stir-fry from yesterday.  That was one of the best stir fries we have had- yum! 

Stir Fry Recipe:  Organic Beet Greens (cut the stems/greens off of a bunch of beets- I had red ones), organic celery, organic carrots, organic brocoli, and organic red onion.  Stir fry diced veggies in coconut oil and season with sea salt, pepper, Bragg Organic Sprinkle and nutritional yeast.  Serve over brown rice.

I haven’t decided what we are having for dinner yet.  But, I am so thankful we got a co-op delivery yesterday.  Again, I highly recommend a co-op like the Healthsource Group.  They make my life so much healthier and easier!!  I feel like we have already gone through half of our share in just one day.  Of course, that is taking into account that Harper is addicted to the clementines!

I love my job, and I love that I am surrounded by precious little kids all day long.  They make life so fun!  I don’t know how people go through life and only surround themselves with adults, how boring!  Kids say and do things on a constant basis, which continuously keep us entertained and smiling.  Today, I am still laughing about a funny kid story that happened just a little while ago.  All of you nursing moms will appreciate this.

This Christmas, we went to celebrate with Jim Bob’s family, like we do every year.  At lunch, I went in his cousin’s bedroom- since everyone else was in the living room- to have some quiet, down time and nurse Harper.  His 4 and 2 year old cousins quickly followed us into the bedroom.  Shortly, their mom came running around the corner, “Girls, let’s give Cindy some privacy.”  I told her, “I don’t care if you don’t mind.”  To which she responded, “Well, she (pointing to the 2 year old) won’t notice anything, but this one (pointing to the 4 year old) is about to have a lot of questions.”  Then, she walked back out of the room, leaving the girls behind.  Harper was happily eating at this point, with only the back of his head visible, as he covered his face in my shirt.  “When will he be done?” asked the 4 year old.  “I often wonder the same thing!”  I responded to her.  She stood there intently watching him eat for a little while longer, and then quickly replied, with a precious, deep Southern accent, “He sure does like your shirt!”

When discussing bacteria, two points are key:  1) Make sure your body is taking in plenty of good bacteria and then 2) Make sure you are encouraging the good bacteria to thrive and not doing things to kill it off.  How do we do this in our house?  We take a probiotic supplement on a daily basis, eat organic, fresh produce as much as possible, minimally (if at all) wash the organic, fresh produce, and avoid using anti-bacterial hand sanitizers or soaps.

Lately, with all the hype and fear mongering over the flu- especially the piggy flu- you can find hand sanitizers prominently displayed in most public areas.  Do you realize these could actually be helping spread illness, and not preventing it?  See, even though the hand sanitizer companies claim that their products kill bacteria and help keep you well, what they don’t explain is that we need some bacteria in order to stay healthy.  Good bacteria help keep your body in balance and ward off the bad guys from taking over.  Problem is, these hand sanitizers aren’t selective of which bacteria to kill.  They kill it all, up to 99%, as they claim.  This is a huge problem because it depletes an already deficient (as I will explain later) body of its good bacteria, that was there to help ban the bad bacteria and keep you well.  Squirt, squirt…  You just rubbed it all away and now that alcohol smell is there to remind you: “You have an even bigger mess on your hands!”

What then is a better solution than hand sanitizers and antibacterial soap?  If you are out and don’t have access to running water, try keeping a small bottle of colloidal silver with you.  Colloidal silver is wonderful because it will kill the bad guys and leave the good guys.  Or, make a natural solution with essential oils that help keep germs at bay, like tea tree oil.  When you do have access to a bathroom, hot water and regular, old fashioned soap (like Dr. Bronner’s) is the best.  

Probiotics are something I have always talked a lot about.  Why?  Well, in our current world, we have made probiotic supplementation a necessity for health and wellness.  What are probiotics?  ”Pro” means ”for” and “biotic” means “life” or “living organism”.  Why do we have to supplement with probiotics and why can’t we simply get them from the food we eat?  Current research tells us that our diet only provides us with one millionth of the healthy bacteria our ancestors used to consume.  Farming practices have made our diets severely deficient- insecticides, herbicides, food transportation and storage, and poor soil all play a part in decreasing the amount of good bacteria available to us through our food.  Our deficiency and the practices which make us deficient are only getting worse; therefore, I am so thankful probiotic supplementation is an option!

I have an incredible testimonial about probiotics.  And, because of the cases I see in practice on a daily basis, I am even more thankful for my personal experience.  Digestive problems are one of the major things I see in my office, and I believe the problem is getting worse and the cases are increasing daily.  It is so sad!  Our health and wellness is dependent on our digestive system because the stomach allows the good stuff in from our food and keeps the bad stuff out.  If this system isn’t working at its best, we are in big trouble!  I supplemented with probioticson a daily basis when I was pregnant, beginning a little before conception.  Never once did I experience digestive problems while pregnant.  I felt so blessed!  I can only count a few moms on one hand who I know and/or see as patients that don’t experience some constipation and/or heartburn while pregnant.  I was not one of them, and I strongly believe my probiotic intake had a lot to do with this.  Then, once Harper was born, 14 months ago today, we never experienced digestive problems with him either.  We were fortunate not to have colic problems with him (something I see a lot in the office too), he only spit up normal amounts as a newborn, and he has had at least two bowel movements a day (usually 4-6 a day is normal for him) ever since his birth.  We have never gone a day without bowel movements!  Talk to any mom, and you will know what a miracle that is.  So many babies have constipation issues, and we are so fortunate not to have experienced this.  Therefore, after religiously taking probiotics, and having both mine and Harper’s personal experience, I highly recommend them for overall health- especially for great digestion.    

From now on, appreciate bacteria.  They have gotten such a bad connotation, but they are absolutely vital (especially the good ones).

First, a mom whom I had seen throughout her entire pregnancy and planned on assisting with her birth very unexpectedly lost her baby.  Then, a family friend lost his five month old baby.  And, to top it off, two other long time patients had miscarriages- one of whom was expecting twins.

Two funerals in one week can certainly make anyone yearn for the next week to start quickly; to say the past few days have been hard is an understatement.  Plus, I think you take everything a little bit harder when you are a sleep-deprived, hormonal, nursing mom.

I don’t share all of this with you to ask for your notes of sympathy or prayers for me because I had a rough week.  I just wanted to share this to point out some very important lessons I feel I have learned while watching these families gracefully walk through their tragedies.  Man, I hope if I had to experience the same grief that I could handle my situation with the grace that these families did!  I have cuddled with Harper longer this week, cherished the mundane moments and held him a little tighter than normal.  Watching other people loose their children really humbles you as you hold yours.  I told the Lord each morning that I trust His Sovereignty and know He has a plan, even if we don’t always understand it.

In our culture, something I see on a daily basis, is that we are so busy and we really fail to realize how blessed we truly are and cherish every moment.  This is especially true during the life stages of pregnancy and infancy.  How many moms come in savoring every day of pregnancy, especially at the end?  Hardly any!  More often than not, in the last trimester of pregnancy, I am encouraging moms that they will have their babies soon.  They are begging me to use any tricks I have to help them have their babies sooner than later.  They tell their growing babies, “It’s time for you to be evicted!  Mommy wants her body back.  I am so tired of being kicked in the ribs and having to go to the bathroom all the time.  I am so ready to have this baby!”  And what about new moms?  Yes, they appreciate their babies and talk about how cute they are.  But, I know I am just as guilty as anybody, there are also the constant complaints about sleep deprivation and having to feed around the clock and never getting a break.

Well I have a whole new perspective after the past few days.  Unexpected, horrible events have a way of stopping you dead in your tracks and really making you look at life with a whole new perspective.  You know what?  Those parents who lost their babies would kill to live out the worst days of pregnancy and miss out on all those hours of sleep to hold their babies.  I should be so ashamed that I have complained at all, I am so blessed, and I don’t deserve any of it!  If I am blessed to experience the nausea of a pregnancy again, hopefully because of these precious families letting me watch them deal with their tragedies with such poise and grace and being able to learn so much from them, I won’t complain about how I feel.  Instead, I hope I will look at it from the perspective of how blessed I am to carry life.

What a wonderful thing that our bodies are made to force us to rest when we are growing a baby, that they won’t allow us to eat things or breathe in air that would harm our growing child.  When I get to the stage where my joints ache from carrying all that weight, hopefully I won’t moan about it.  Instead, I will hopefully be so grateful to have made it to that point in pregnancy; and, I will cherish every second I have knowing exactly where my baby is and feeling his/her every move.  Right now when Harper is still wanting to wake up constantly, and he wants to nurse after only having gone an hour since the last feeding, I am trying to take my negative thoughts captive.  In this season of Thanksgiving, I have learned a really hard lesson about truly, truly being so very thankful.  What a new, hard perspective to attain!  I hope I can pass this lesson on to other families because we are so blessed…  Beyond measure!  Hold your family extra tight, cherish life!!