I’ve been experiencing a growing season… You know the one- the really low valley seasons where there’s good growth, it’s going to be great on the mountain because the valley will be way below. Yep, that one. But, man, does growth ever hurt! I’ve been personally growing, my marriage is experiencing growing pains, my parenting is having it’s growing pains, and my friendships and business too.
It’s exhausting really! And this morning, while waiting on my class to show up for Stroller Strides, I get a text from my mentor. It stops me dead in my tracks. She hit the nail on the head, and I knew I had to rush home and share.
So here’s the picture below that comes through on my phone. The text from her that follows goes something like this: “Look at the cover of ‘Thriving Family’, and tell me why it’s hard in our culture to live real life. This is what ‘Focus on the Family’ is marketing. Perfectly dressed parents and kids, tree in burlap w/ a gratuitous, perfect bow. Everyone is happy, there’s not even a leaf or a smudge on the pavement!
Men have struggles with magazine images of a different sort. But, this Photoshop/Facebook generation brings a struggle for us women too. Perfection that is wired into a woman’s heart, yet impossible to attain. Life is messy… Learning to be at peace and rejoice in the promised perfection of our eternal home is key. Look at the ‘fruit of the tree’ you can’t have or attain… What will you compromise, convince or nag your husband into, just as Eve did with Adam? This is the lie- there’s more and we can’t have it unless we make it happen!”
Does that put a knot in your throat and give you chills or what? I’m guilty of it, and I had no idea. Maybe that’s part of why the holidays were so difficult this year. Harper’s 3 and Ellington’s 1; it’s Ellington’s first birthday on Christmas day to boot! I have to have the perfect house, perfect traditions that must start from the very beginning of their life… And, the pictures to document and brag, people! Whew!
Maybe I should have taken a clue when I was bawling, late at night as everyone was asleep, because my Christmas tree (which I had perfectly planned in my head) was in reality a hot mess. No perfect tree and house, how can my family really rise up and call me blessed?!
It’s hard to feel like I have any control over anything anymore. So I compensate for that by nagging my husband and trying to keep my house spotless. A little control over those areas, and voila! I should feel better, but no… You know as well as I do how that’s working out for me. What husband appreciates and responds well to a nag? What house stays spotless with a one and three year old? Yeah, mine neither!
In the valley, the Lord is really working on me. “Find your joy in Me! I’m all you need! Let Me define you!” If I never look like that magazine cover, will I be content? And, not to diss “Focus on the Family”, by the way. Look at “Real Simple”, “Pathways”, any blog, most Facebook pages. Everyone is pushing that perfect image out there. It’s nothing new under the sun! But, it sure helped this morning to have a little of this disappointment in my heart brought to light. My hope is that this will bless and convict you, as it did me this morning! Now off to do some real heart work, forget the house stuff for a minute… One is eternal, have to keep that in mind!
Kathy O'Brien CD(D)NA), HCHI, TTS/BFS
December 28, 2011
1:02 PM
From hot mess to cool and refreshing truth:) Thank you for knowing this-a quote I heard asked “Do you want to be right? OR Happy:)
Karla
December 28, 2011
1:03 PM
Bravo! I think so much about the pressure that our image-obsessed society puts on me, and how it might affect my girls in the future. Living authentically in the middle of this is challenging, but anything less is unsustainable! And, I don’t want to be a nag either! Loved your post. Thank you!
Heather@Mommypotamus
December 28, 2011
1:30 PM
Wow, bookmarking to read over and over. Thank you <3
Joanna Moore
December 28, 2011
1:45 PM
great post! he has given you some awesome insight there. i can totally identify with wanting to be perfect so they can rise up and call me blessed, haha! maybe that’s where we have it wrong… doing it for selfish reasons, for our own praise, for people to envy us the way we envy other women we idealize, i don’t know. turning 31 this year reminds me of proverbs 31… i want to be that, but in my head it looks like “mrs. perfect mom” and i need the Lord to shake that off of me and shape me into what that really means. it’s definitely challenging to find the balance between being a good steward with our time and putting forth the effort to take care of our homes, preparing healthy meals, training our children the way they should go, trying to look pretty for our husbands, etc… and realizing that, especially with children as young as ours, perfection just ain’t in the cards, and how to be okay with that? but every time one of us admits our lack of perfection, is encouraging to the rest because we all feel the same way… so thanks for sharing!
Sarah A
December 28, 2011
1:51 PM
Love this & love you, too. Thanks for sharing.
Rachel Loth
December 28, 2011
1:57 PM
Needed to read this as I prepare for my homebirth with 4 kids ages 9 and under here with me. thank you – and my husband thanks you too, Im sure!
Krista
December 28, 2011
2:10 PM
Thanks for being real. I’ve had this conversation over and over with a few friends lately… how women constantly compare and judge themselves and one another. I wish we received more reminders of the importance to find our identity, self worth, and joy in Him!
Lindsey Nguyen
December 28, 2011
2:17 PM
Thank you for this post!! My husband showed me an article called “Why Facebook is Making Us Miserable”. It was about how social media sites are making us think that everyone around us lives picture perfect lives. Sites like Facebook, blogs, and Pinterest honestly make me feel inadequate as much as they inspire me. It’s funny how you see yourself because I always think “How does she do it all?”. Your beautiful healthy children, your healthy lifestyle, all of your businesses. I could never walk in your shoes….I would fail miserably. Maybe we should start a social media revolution and make more of an effort to post reality. It’s easy to share the good stuff so let’s post the messy stuff on blogs, fb, twitter, pinterest. We can call it Messy Mondays.
Jen Conway
December 28, 2011
2:44 PM
As always, you speak to exactly what I am dealing with! Thank you for your wisdom and thank you for being real. As a full time working mom I have struggled with feeling like a failure in so many ways. But then I remind myself that my kids are loved, clothed, fed and happy, praise God! The more we as women are real and honest with each other and love and support one another for who we are then we can expose the lie the devil is trying to sell us all, just as he did with Eve. What a great blog, thanks friend.
Joy
December 28, 2011
3:23 PM
I think it so very important that we show our vulnerability as authentically as we show our victories – in our writing, in our facebook updates, in our conversations with friends. I think it allows others to trust us more and feel like they can relate. How often do we feel that we’re alone with our frailties? Thanks for taking the time to speak candidly and openly about what we ALL struggle with.
Hannah W
December 28, 2011
4:01 PM
Thanks for sharing your heart. Wow! So true and I deal with this all the time. Being a single parent….working all the time and trying to keep up with what I think should be perfect becomes stressful. I think this should be shared more often.
Tricia Lyons
December 28, 2011
4:27 PM
Thank you Cindy!
Maria
December 28, 2011
6:41 PM
I am so glad you wrote this. No wonder I always feel like I am just trying to stay above the water. Its so true about posts and blogs, I always think to myself “how do they do it all, AND take care of their families too?” Thank you Cindy, this also helps my daughter as a new mom, and knowing things don’t always need to be perfect, as long as its from the heart.
Maria
kitty
December 28, 2011
7:31 PM
THANK YOU!!!!
kate Saab
December 29, 2011
7:52 PM
Thanks Cindy! I needed to read that! Ten minutes before company comes over – Never fails – I become the @*&#&$ Tarek never wanted to marry and my poor children wonder what happened to mama. I need to learn to relax… and I’m sure I need an adjustment! Great post! Miss you!